Gas Prices, Economy and all that Jazz!

For those of you that don't know me extremely well, you are now expecting a ranting obituary on our failing economy and dreaded talk of recession. For those of you that DO know me are afraid of what could possibly be this mornings blurb on life through MY eyes, especially this particular discussion.

I sat still, very still. It was a quiet, calm Sunday morning and my husband still in bed allowed me the priviledge to conqueor everything on my famous "to do" list with a vengance! I was in the truck, parked at my favorite Devon hot spot where everyone knew my name, the old Fas Gas. Okay so maybe they didn't exactly know my name per se but they knew exactly how much gas I took and how much to charge me and we have had an ongoing relationship for over a year know, secretly seeing each other once and sometimes twice a week. All my friends here at the gas station speak half Devon and half Newfie but that doesn't cause any problems despite my half English, quarter German, quarter Spanish. No one needed to say a word, one look and one debit card spoke louder than any language I have ever known.

As my truck sucked up the gas I stayed relaxed and warm tucked inside my truck, reviewing my lists and preparing my entering the outside world of -30. I was completely at peace by the time the gas was near done and I preparedly grabbed my wallet and keys to finish up the job and join my "friends" inside the store. I waited to hear the famous "click" to warn me it was finished but instead of the usual noise I heard the light rushing of water like you would a waterfall. It was so peacelike that I paused and listened for a moment. Funny that I would hear that beautiful gurgling sound out here in the middle of Devon and I casually glanced around me to see if I could see where it was coming from, maybe the ice melting or water truck near by perhaps. In my final glance looking towards the store I saw my "friends" waving, so I waved back. How nice, they never waved before, that's awfully sweet. Then on second glance I saw some customers beside them, arms against the glass front of the store and all of them waving. I continued waving a while longer and then decided maybe I should hurry up the gas pump so I could get on my merry way.

It didn't take very long to assess the situation and find out the delimma of where the waterfall was flowing, it was flowing right out my gas tank and upwards to the sky much like a volcano. It was really pretty so I watched for a moment and then realized I was definetly in a bit of trouble. The pool of gas had gone so far as to completely cover the entire area underneath the truck and had spouted so high in the air, it now began filling the box of the truck. I leaped from the side door to a dry spot several feet away and leaning in I attempted to stop the mess. It didn't take much longer for me to grab the hose and yank it out of the tank but as I found out fairly quickly that does NOT stop the gas from flowing. It flowed for a little while longer until I could angle myself in it's direction and jump on it coninuously until it finally stopped. It was only messy for a little while as it rained gas all over my hair, my clothes and mittens but it was messy for a long while as I slipped several times on the now wet ice. I clung to the box of the truck to hold my balance and looked at the hose on the ground with glee. The damage was minimal, gas under the truck, in the truck and covering most parts of my body. The gas hose looked dead and layed on the ground in a small defeated pile. Done.

I jumped to dry safe landing and marched my way in to the gas station store. Two older men smiled at me and held their noses, moving way off to the side to let me by. The two ladies at the front counter smiled brightly. I pretended all was well and paid the usual but slightly larger bill. Then with the car starter in hand I hid behind the magazine rack and hit the majic button. Noting my truck was still sound and hearing no explosion as I'd seen on many movies. I gingerly came out from hiding, smiled my goodbyes to the staff and sauntered out to leave.

My personal belief is no matter what life presents itself to never let it get the best of you and in this case I'd be damned if I'd let gas be the first! That's why no matter what I smelt like I insisted on continuing my errands before going home....and those errands where the best I ever had....has anyone ever smelt gas for 2 hours straight? I believe I may be feeling warm and floaty and seeing purple bunnies for a very long time!

Raising The Bar

A little while back I took a giant leap and accepted a new job position to escape a previously rough work environment. The clincher was - along with that leap I also accepted an incredibly large pay cut to work at the new job. It made me incredibly nervous to leave my old job for that very reason but my health made me even more nervous to stay.

On this particular morning I was due for my first 3 month probation review. I was extremely nervous hoping he could ignore my shaking limbs as I went in at the interview hour. (I think he missed the puddle on the floor too which is always good, peeing in front of your boss can't possibly bring the ratings up!)

My new boss began by stating that not only do I work hard but I "far exceeded" everything he was hoping for. No, really, he actually said that! He then proceeded to go on about how even if I didn't stay at this location, wherever I go, I will always excel in anything I do because of my postive nature and smile! He then advised me of the raise amount I would receive, with a large smile and I beamed right back, an extra $1000 a month! I agreed telling him that I thought it was just perfect and walked out quickly with the paperwork for it in hand in case he changed his mind.

In my excitement of this amazing news, I made a trip to go tanning and get my nails done. I deserved it after all! It wasn't until after I spent the extra cash did I look over my exciting new salary increasing documents to find that I had greatly misunderstood my new bosses genorousity. Sadly, it was not $1000 extra per MONTH, it was an extra $1000 per YEAR! Whoops. Not only would that not pay for my new sparkely nails but that would hardly pay for an extra loaf of bread.

I was so depressed in my oversight that while dropping off a rented movie I had rented over the weekend, I forgot to put my car in park while I jumped out to place it in the drop shoot box and nailed myself in the chest with my car door as the car began driving backwards out of the parking lot and almost overtop of me. Before I got run over but not in time for the store shoppers and pedestrians not to notice along the busy 137th Avenue...I ran after the car, jumped in while it was still going and lunged for the E-Brake! It was just like the movies. Gapping mouths all around, while I made an executive decision to return the movie later when it got dark, very, very dark. I slinked out of the full parking lot to the safety of my apartment.

It's a common occurence for me to miss the bigger picture in my life and looking back on this day is no exception. Not much to do but shake the head, park before leaving the car and breathe deeply. Tomorrow is another day.

Problems For Sale...O.B.O

Not too long ago I was feeling a little under the weather so after a long day at work I headed home to find that some inconsiderate idiot was parked in MY apartment parking stall! How incredibly rude! I immediately ran up my ghetto steps and called the Apartment Manager to complain. The Manager suggested that since it was my stall number #309 and my apartment number is the same that I call the local Towing Company since it was more a personal problem and have them deal with it. So I did, a little too happily, might I add.

Oddly enough, as the tow truck's time grew closer I had a bad feeling in my gut and decided not to pull in to my stall afterwards, as who knows what would happen to my baby if Mr. Silver Grand AM got a hold of it. There was no way I wanted this bozo to know I had anything to do with it!

I waved and smiled as the tow truck drove away and went back up to my apartment to get some most needed rest. Towing cars is exhausting work.

As my night turned to morning I woke up with a bad cold and "under the weather" turned to "life sucks", really quickly. Late as usual, and in a hurry, I passed my supposed to be empty stall to find that the car was back like a bad dream and I stood there staring at it, shaking my head in astonishment. Once at work I quickly called my Apartment Building Manager again only to find out that I was the one parking in the wrong stall, that there were EIGHT 309 parking spots in my building vicinity and I had parked in the one right across from it!! So not only was I parking illegaly for the last few months but I had the rightful owner towed out of his very own stall!! Nothing makes your morning Cheerios come a little closer to the top then that one!

As this sad day progressed I realized very quickly that my bed was the only fabulous place to be and waking up as someone else was an even better thought. I managed to delete an extremely important folder on my computer that backlogged my work before 10am, I had a killer toothache by 11am and by 1pm my boss agreed that work was not where either of us wanted me to be so at 3pm I headed out the door with no guilt what so ever.

I drove straight to the dentist just to have him insist that he could find nothing wrong. I did find that odd, since my dentists have always found something to charge me with. His rude demeanor and ignorant behavior made me question if everything was okay and he proceeded to tell me that his plan had been to bill my Blue Cross this month from what I had done with him last year, unknown to me whatsoever. The problem was that I had changed work places just in time for it to bounce. When I asked him innocently what my mystery bill was he now informed me that my bill was $1229.21! Whatttttttt!!!!!!! @$#@@@%! AND that he figured I should think about how to pay up! I am uncertain how this came to be since all you can bill Blue Cross per year for dental work is a total of $750.00! When was he planning on billing me for the rest?! Why didn't he advise me of this before I took my pay cut to go to this job??!! As a very depressed and sick Jocelyn left the office, he managed to mumble on the way out that he just might need to redo the root canal on the one side and that is why I am having trouble with it! GRRRRRRrrrrr.

On the way home I decided that nothing else would do but my flannel pajamas, my Pillsbury Cookie Dough and Dr. Phil. I did just that and called my girlfriend, Sharon, to discuss the end of my world as we knew it, and just as my sorrows poured forth and the cookie dough poured in, I bit down on the chocolate chunk that they are known for and viola....I lost my tooth on my right side and swallowed it whole in the blink of an eye! Great. A quick calculation and realization came to mind as it became all too clear, at this rate I would have no teeth in 3 and a half years. I sobbed for what felt like hours to both Sharon and I and then I wiped my tears and ran back onto the couch from my puddle on the bathroom floor.

What a horrible weekend. Lessons learnt this time around? Don't leave your house, everyone is out to get you! Seriously though, no matter how tired you are, you can still go through Second Cup drive thru and Cherrios can be eaten for all 3 meals in a day. The words of wisdom I passed on to my own mother this weekend by yours truly? Stop praying for me! Especially for patience, I don't want to work on any of that stuff. Sometimes I do wish that I could wake up as someone else... anyone out there wanna trade?

Spa Day

I admit it, I did it and I'm proud of it! Yesterday I took the plunge and entered a whole new world I'd never known existed....THE SPA. I'd been once before but never on this level. THIS time, they knew my name. This time, they took my coat and this time they assumed I knew where I was going and what I was doing.....I joined the endless women out there in desperate need of pampering during the cold snap and trekked out to Perugia Salon and Spa for the evening. Okay so maybe it was just for a hair cut but I was insistent that this was going to be far more. For Pete's sake, if they're going to charge me an arm and a leg to wash my hair (and I feel that's a privilege!) and take the ends off then I was going to pump it for all it's worth.

The super amazing staff at this particular location had brilliant smiles on their faces with a tad wrinkle of question when i showed up for my appointment an hour and a half early! HA, I tricked them! They told me I could use their services for free while I waited, which included in small print I noted, the Steam Room, Shower, Bath Robe, Bathroom, Coffee, Tea, and millions of lotions and hair things I have no use for! Brilliant, I thought, as I smirked, grabbed the robe and nearly ran to the change room before they changed their minds. My plan was working, I would relax some way, some how and they couldn't stop me! They even knew me by name, like I came on a regular basis. Sure, the 13 year old behind the counter had a computer that may have possibly, perhaps popped up my delicate features but I was going to suck in the star treatment for all it was worth.

I entered the Spa Change Room cautiously, on a mission. I grabbed a locker close to the door and promptly started placing my personals inside. Spotting the Steam Room on the other end of the Change Room I wriggled free of my work clothes and slid into the slip of a robe with glee. Racing to my luxury Stage 1 of my spa experience I stepped into the small rock steamy room and closed the glass door behind me. Sitting down on the damp rock I leaned back and tried to relax. I sat back up shortly when I heard my cell phone ring, shoot, I had forgotten to switch it off! I glanced over to my locker from where I was seated and contemplated the attempt to head back and switch it off. On a more closer glance I spotted something blue, something old and definitely not new - it was my old, worn out, granny underwear staring me plain in the face in the middle of the spa room floor! Darn it! In my rush to get in the Steam room I must have dropped it! Looking down I realized that my slip of a robe was a tad see-through when wet but noting that I was in a woman's change room and it's empty status I could take the chance and run back to pick up my embarrassing realization up off the floor, add it to my locker and return to continue my depleting minutes of my Steam unbeknown to anyone but myself.

I pushed the steamed glass door open and bolted to the center of the room, grabbed my underwear and started towards my locker. The start was minimal as the now wet floor from my steaminess combined with the rock tile beneath my feet and I was down in seconds. Arms went up, feet went out and I went very down. I clung tightly to my old undies and forgot my robe completely. "I'm okay!", I whispered to myself more for the assurance then anything. That's when I heard it, "good". I looked in the direction of the voice and there in the corner behind my steam room door was a comfy, cushy arm chair and a petite, beautiful woman curled up inside reading a magazine. I half smiled, half cried, closed my now open robe, not so graciously stood to my feet and walked backwards towards my locker. Sigh, I was caught, not only with my embarrassing underwear, not only with my award winning performance but with my see-through robe smack open!

I finished closing up the locker, careful not to reveal anything else that would be my demise and walked much slower back to my steam room. It was harder to settle my nerves on the second go of it but after sitting in the room for many minutes I got out and decided a shower was in order. The woman was gone and it appeared I could now venture out alone but still shaking my head. I returned wrinkled but clean, redressed and ready for my new and Spa hair cut. I sat reading my book in solitude in the next waiting room, reminding myself that I was now added to the list of one of those fancy women that do this every day. I insisted I would come back monthly although I may need a second job unless I could convince them that I had an appointment and just use their facilities on the side at no cost! I heard my name to come on down to get started on my hair and looked up.....there she was - my hairdresser, a way-too-familiar beautiful woman with a bit of a smirk as the look of recognition crossed her face and she said, "watch your step"!

Anyone out there have a Spa they can recommend?

Hygiene 101

I feel very strongly that we take teeth for granted, albeit I am currently missing one, have many cavities throughout, one root canal covered with a fake tooth and two teeth covered with temporary fake teeth but that being said, I still feel the same. How is that someone who flosses regularly and brushes a minimum of twice a day can have that many problems yet my husband missing brushing for days has a clean bill of teeth health??!! I'm bewildered.

I think my teeth are extraordinary. They have personality and feelings! In fact they felt very strongly and protested greatly a few months ago when my previous root canal got infected and I required surgery....that same tooth felt so much that it cried out in pain when half of it fell out while I was driving! They feel attacked each visit to the dentist, I am certain, and they protest with each touch of the drill so I end up requiring 5 to 6 needles to sedate them just to calm them down! Who needs to feel their eyeball for three days anyway!

Although my teeth are one of a kind they are quite moody, they've become people of their own and I'm certain my Second Bicuspid has assisted in voting this last fall!

What's done now is done and I can't help but a small part of me wishes to trade in all my teeth for a newer and better model, just like one would a car or better yet just go without!(don't tell them I said that!)....unfortunately my current Dr. refuses to assist me in this matter and so I plead with the public to sign a petition on my behalf! "What's the Beef! Remove the Teeth!" I always say. My husband is also shocked over my rude little Chiclets and insists that removing them is the best thing to do, he's quite adamant they leave immediately and I wake up often in the middle of the night with pliers beside my pillow and a guilty look on his face! I know deep down, he's just trying to help but it's getting a little creepy!

So, the end of my rant is this....treat your teeth with respect, love them, take them out for dinner, anything to keep them at peace because when war breaks out, only THEY win! Take it from one who's a veteran, Save The World, One Tooth At A Time...before it's too late.

Here I am....waving my little white flag of surrender...the teeth have won this battle....sigh, this time!

Rotating Through Life

Not too long ago I was talked into joining a "Survivor Boot Camp Program" much to my dismay. It was not the brightest idea and as my skills in the field of exercise had never been displayed it was hard to not imagine it. I believe these types of hard physical labor are not for everyone, and most times I don't think it is for me either. But then there are times where something comes along to shake me up a bit and make me roll on the floor that makes me realize I really can do anything!

After boot camp one fine cold morning, I was on an exercise buzz. I could conqueor the world!! As my friend Myra and I left the local gym building downtown I was full of conversation. As you all know I did not want to skip a beat on my "storytelling" so instead of waiting for the rotating glass door to do it's full round before jumping in - I went on through right behind Myra, and yelled, "I'm comin' in!" and joined Myra in the extra small space to get outside. I momentarily forgot my work out backpack I was carrying that would set me back a bit and lunged only enough into the moving space for me, but not the pack. Oops. As my back pack stayed outside the doors and Myra pushed heartily forward around the circle, we both stopped dead in our tracks! I did not stop completely, however, as the backpack straps caused a rubber band effect, and I nailed Myra from behind. And there we were, stuck in the rotating door together. My backpack in the gym and Myra and I, in a very cramped glass space. I can still see the look on her face...something like, "what on earth are you doing??!!" I can also see the many scores of pedestrians on the busy morning downtown streets eyeing us oddly. She kept pushing forward so the door kept slapping me from behind and in turn I kept slapping Myra. It was only funny for the first few tries after that it was kind of uncomfortable and awkward. It was then that I noticed that we were not the only ones trapped, the other members of the downtown gym were attempting to leave also, and we were thus creating quite the long line up.It was then that I burst, right out loud with tears rolling down my face! I still chuckle while I jot this down. Just as the security guard started towards us, I made a quick backward attemp, dislogged my bag and propelled us with such speed that we both nearly fell onto the outside pavement. All I could say the whole way to the parkade was,"I'm sorry, I'll take my own, next time."

I wish that every time I experience these fun adventures where I look absolutely foolish all of you could see them. Life is never boring and I just love it! I may shake my head for awhile but no matter what it's all good and it's all I live for!

At Your Disposal

It was fall, early morning and the day was ready for the taking. A good friend Mel and her family had come to visit for the weekend and as they left quite early at 6am on that fine Sunday morning, being a morning person myself I remained alert and decided to begin my weekly cleaning process.

Being Type A - which means neat freak in easy-to-understand lingo, I grabbed all my garbage and put on some pants and began the trek to the big green garbage dumpster outside. I smiled to myself as it was only 645am and no one was about except for my breath and the new fall leaves. I strolled out to the garbage bin, wondering if I should just keep on treking and actually go for a walk, taking a deep breath of the fresh air and peacefullness. As I stood outside the bin, I did a quick check to keep from bashing a bum that hid in there occassionally and seeing the coast clear I heaved tossing my 5 bags in. Strange when I heard a clink sound at the end and looking carefully in my right hand I was appalled to realize that my keys were no longer there but the five dirty bags still remained!!

And it began. I rolled up my sleeves, looked around the parking lot to make sure no one was there and opened the lid of the dumpster, very carefully of course as not to dirty myself. I looked in horror as I realized the extent of what I was about to overcome. The dumpster was 3/4's full and not smelling like roses! My keys were no where in sight! I hauled my left leg over the edge, plugged my nose and brought the right one over slowly. Where exactly is a good place to step and where is a good place to start?? There's just no manual when it came to garbage dumpster digging last time I checked!

Just as I placed one foot down on what looked secure (my own garbage) it caved. My arms came up, my body went down and luckily I caught myself on the edge of the dumpster by one arm, keeping me from sitting on anything. As my body jammed into the side of the bin, it knocked the bin lids down and I was soon shut inside! I don't know if I screamed first or bolted up first, it all happened so quickly but I had the lid back up in a jiffy before too much of my claustrophobia could settle in. That's when I decided to speed up my process and just before the tears began I spotted my ill-fated keys in the far back corner I grabbed the keys and jumped out in no time flat. I fell to the ground and ran the short distance to my apartment, jolted in to the shower and laughed for about 20 minutes straight. What else could I do? Besides my laundry when I got out!

I don't suppose my neighbors minded, I imagine I put on quite a show. I can tell you this though, it has never happened again and I can promise you it never will....I learn quickly no matter what the lesson was here!

The Prelude

It's been said that a "Rainy Day" is somewhat of a "Bad Day" and that Bad Days require you to sit inside your darkest room, mope and eat your 1 gallon reserve of ice cream. It's not that I disagree with that analogy entirely (trust me if it’s chocolate I’ll help you out and eat it beside you) but I do feel that after you've eaten much more than you can indulge and past your tenth retake on the days events that you do what any silly and partially insane person would do - Laugh! Laugh like you’ve never laughed before. Giggle until it feels like an entire day has passed and people are starting to stare. That hearty belly laugh that only best friends do with their “bestest” of friends when they have that sisterhood sleepover on the couch and they haven’t seen each other in too long and their sharing that special moment, in their funniest voice and all you can do is sigh….and then laugh all over again.

It's been in those darkest, rainy moments that I've managed to pick myself up off the bathroom floor, dig my funny bone out of the closet hamper and let it all hang out for the world to see.

The following moments are raindrops of stupidity that require a broad imagination and the ability to let loose and laugh, with no resolve but a full fledged snort-and-giggle go at it. With the hopes that you let yourself learn to not dread those black clouds but linger in the aftermath with a smile on your face and a listening ear to hear how you conquered the dreaded wet day of despair and survived.

These are my “raindrops”, my writings of ridiculous embarrassment in the silliest of backdrops. Do tread lightly and Don't take it seriously but live in my upside down world through the next few words of silliness and head shaking hail damage moments.

Bring on the rain, I've got a new umbrella and I'm not afraid to use it!